Te presentamos una nueva entrega de un artículo de Goop sobre un tema que nuestra sociedad tenía pendiente: las nuevas formas de relacionarnos amorosamente. Algo que abordamos en varios de nuestros talleres y que nos interesa mucho dentro de nuestra investigación acerca de las formas de activar nuestra versión de vida más plena y auténtica. Como siempre, nos encantaría conocer vuestra opinión (debajo en los comentarios).
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What are some misconceptions around CNM and polyamory?
Because we don’t talk about CNM openly—despite it not being very unusual—there are a lot of myths:
Myth 1: CNM relationships don’t last, or are unstable. Research suggests this is not true: CNM relationships have equitable levels of commitment, longevity, satisfaction, passion, greater levels of trust, and lower levels of jealousy compared to monogamous relationships.
Myth 2: Damaged people are attracted to consensual nonmonogamy and/or it causes people psychological harm.Research suggests psychological well-being is independent of relationship structure. That is, there’s a statistically proportionate percentage of monogamous and CNM people with relationship and psychological concerns. CNM doesn’t appear to “draw damaged people” or hurt people any more or less than monogamy does.
Myth 3: Humans are “naturally” monogamous. There’s documented adultery in every studied human society—we also know that between a quarter and half of adults report being sexually unfaithful to their monogamous partner.
Myth 4: People in CNM relationships are more likely to have or contract STIs. The research we have on this suggeststhat people in CNM and monogamous relationships don’t really seem to differ when it comes to their likelihood of having had an STI. Many ostensibly monogamous people do not live up to their commitment to sexual fidelity, and CNM people are more likely to use safer sex practices, such as using condoms with a partner, condoms with their extradyadic partner(s), and they talk more with their partners about the people that they’re sleeping with. They’re also more likely to be tested for STIs and are more likely to discuss their STI-testing history, which appears to counteract the increased risk of having multiple partners.
Myth 5: Men are driving the interest in CNM and women are only nonmonogamous when they’re tricked or just trying to please their man. There are a number of scholarly articles (written mostly by women-identified authors) that address how polyamory is grounded in feminism, promotes equity, and empowers women; this is one example. Feminist scholars have also articulated how traditional monogamous structures are more likely to uphold a system of gender oppression and how polyamorous women tend to indicate feeling more empowered and have more expanded family, cultural, gender, and sexual roles.
Myth 6: CNM is just an excuse to cheat. CNM is by no means trying to excuse cheating or make light of breaches of trust. People engaged in CNM agree that deception is generally harmful and should be avoided. CNM promotes having honest dialogue about nonmonogamous desires to avoid deception and create space for honesty and authentic relating.
Myth 7: Monogamy protects against jealousy. While monogamy may act as a buffer from certain experiences that provoke jealousy, it may also act as a barrier to addressing any fear or insecurity driving the jealousy. Jealousy can be experienced in any relationship, and we don’t know if monogamy necessarily protects against jealousy or if that protection is a good thing. What we do know is that jealousy levels tend to be significantly higher in monogamous relationships.
Myth 8: Children are negatively impacted. There does not appear to be evidence to suggest that children of poly parents are faring any better or worse than children of monogamous parents. Given the number of blended families, having more than one parent seems to be pretty normalized.
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