Te presentamos una nueva entrega de un artículo de Goop sobre un tema que nuestra sociedad tenía pendiente: las nuevas formas de relacionarnos amorosamente. Algo que abordamos en varios de nuestros talleres y que nos interesa mucho dentro de nuestra investigación acerca de las formas de activar nuestra versión de vida más plena y auténtica. Como siempre, nos encantaría conocer vuestra opinión (debajo en los comentarios).
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How do you navigate dating in the CNM community?
It’s similar to dating monogamously: Principles regarding trust, honesty, communication, conscientiousness, emotional maturity, commitment, love, self-awareness, and sexual chemistry all still apply. While there are more similarities than differences, there are differences.
For example, the assumption that we are or should be monogamous is challenged in CNM relationships. Attraction to others while in a relationship is normalized, and there tends to be more room to discuss this attraction. Jealousy is also seen as an emotion that can be managed or overcome by 1) taking ownership of our own jealousy, 2) exploring and addressing triggers and insecurities, 3) negotiating agreements around sex and dating, and 4) adapting agreements for individual triggers.
A common saying in the poly community is that our capacity to love may be limitless, but our time, energy, and resources are not. In light of this, conversations about emotional bandwidth and sharing calendars among partners are common. Discussion around safer sex practices and STI testing are also a typical aspect of CNM relationships.
Is it more difficult to explore CNM when it’s tied up with exploring another, intersecting marginalized sexual identity?
I wish we had more research on this so we could to speak to the nuances of this question. My initial thoughts are that it likely depends on the person, their context, and their unique intersecting identities. The issues facing me as a queer, white, gender-flexible man in a large city are going to look different than those facing a lesbian person of color who lives in a small town, for example. Our stories may share similar elements of discrimination, but they are also unique and influenced by our individual cultural context. It is critical that we continue to explore these points of convergence and divergence to understand how CNM intersects with other marginalized identities and how we specifically support CNM communities with multiple marginalized identities. This area of research is very young and is one of the key initiatives of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Consensual Non-monogamy Task Force, which I cochair with Dr. Moors.
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